this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize