my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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