The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
