Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
