my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize