I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
