What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
