was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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