better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
