can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
