Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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