i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
