I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You need a sexual gate keeper
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
