mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
