Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
