Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
