How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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