It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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