"it" just moved
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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