I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
