I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
