I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
