nut hugger
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
