I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
