I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
