just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
