but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
