Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
