He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
