If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize