Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm always down for nudity.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
