You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
