I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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