I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
