if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
