i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize