what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Randomize
