On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I need moral support for this bender
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
