is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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