waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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