if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
