You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
