just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize