She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
