I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
