So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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