i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
