youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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