Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
