Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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