i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
