So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
