i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
