Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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