I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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