hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Every concussion has its silver lining
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
