I will die if light touches me.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
vagina is talking i cant
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
