I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
