and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
