I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize