Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
