God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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