every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize