Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
