he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
