My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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