That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
