How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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