I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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