No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize