Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
