youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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