K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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