yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
