i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Even my vagina gasped.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
