i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
