I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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