he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I need to align my fucking chakras
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize