i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
