He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
