Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
