im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
