i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
