Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
