btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
