wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I skipped work to stalk him.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
