Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
