i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
