i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize