It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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