you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
