I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize