I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My dick has a subreddit
Randomize
