very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize