i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I want to be your penis for a week.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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