I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
