YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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