Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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