i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
