Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Randomize
