You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
