I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
