I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
