Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
pray to the hookup gods
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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