I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need water and some morals
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
