I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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