I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
