I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
