I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
