I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
